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Hey stranger,

Let me just say “thanks a lot!” for making my day. It was an extra long commute going home but you made every bit of it worthwhile.

I am not the type of person of who dresses up whenever I travel. I usually go for the comfy clothes which to my definition is a pair of faded jeans and large shirt. I just put powder on my face to absorb the sweat and a lip balm to prevent my chappy lips from drying more. You see, it is very hot and humid in Metro Manila and “glamming up” during travels is not really my thing. So when I arrived at Cubao bus station and found out that I will be joining the “loooong” line of commuters to Nueva Ecija, I couldn’t be bothered. I am so dressed up for the occasion.

That’s when I saw you. You were also standing behind that bus exhaust waiting for the end of the moving line of commuters boarding the already crowded bus. You noticed my discomfort standing there breathing the dark exhaust of diesel so you invited me to walk with you to the end of the line. Nahiya naman ako syo at sa itsura ko. You are unlike me. You actually look nice. I could say, you are the type of guy who makes it a point to look presentable (if not great) whenever you go out of the house.

Nevertheless, I walked with you. I cannot contest your idea because it’s better than standing there and waiting for the end of the line to pass in front of me before joining it. Once we got to the end of the line, I realized I don’t have an umbrella and I have to endure the heat. My heart sank but not for long. You’ve got an umbrella and you immediately offered to share it with me.

So we stood there, in silence, drying up the sweat  that continued to drip on our faces. There we stood with nothing but occasional glances and smiles to each other and a thank you from me for generously sharing your umbrella. We stood there for almost 2 hours.

After 3 buses were boarded and filled with passengers, we are finally in front of the line! We are about to embark the 4th bus which still took another 20 mins to arrive. I can no longer stand the heat so I asked you to please save my space on the line. I needed to buy an uber cold Gatorade or else I will already pass out because of the intense heat. So you did and I did the same for you. When you came back, you started to talk to me. You offered to carry my bag ( which is really heavy but your well sculpted arms doesn’t seem to worry) which I of course declined but you insisted to do still. It is no longer a surprise when you decided to sit beside me.

At first, I felt a bit of discomfort because I look forward to sleeping the 3-4 hour bus ride. I know that you sitting beside me will prevent me to do that. And there are two possible reasons: The first is, I will try my best not to fall asleep because I am conscious on how will I look like when I fall asleep. I don’t want to you see me on my lowest though you have been seeing me so “haggard-looking” for the past 2 hours. The second is, you will start a conversation and I have to talk with you which I rarely do especially during my travels.

But I am glad it was the second. It turned out talking to you is not tedious at all. I actually enjoyed our almost 4 hour chat about everything under the sun. When we arrived at our destination, I thought that would be the end. You will be home in minutes but I still have to transfer to another bus. I am just halfway and still need to endure another 4 hr bus ride to Aurora. But you gladly accompanied me in catching the ride to Aurora. You waited with me in the bus station which was another hour of chatting.

In the end, we had to part ways. The bus left, and so were you.

I am finally home. It was a long day and a long commute but you turned it from tolerable to great. I look forward to another long bus ride if that means I get to talk to you again.

Until next time.

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To love you is to gamble. To let you in is courage. And I willingly took that gamble when I gathered all my courage to let you in.

Ours is a love like no other, well for me. Ours is a relationship I never imagined I’d put myself into. Ours is different from what I am used to and from what I have always dreamed of. However, ours is as perfect as it always can be…at least for me.

You asked me out just to try your luck. Perhaps, you actually expected me to say yes, but not as fast as when I did. It is a whirlwind romance. And it is taken away from me faster than it came.

I came from a troubled relationship, with details I only told no one but you. So when you came along, I actually had no plans of getting serious. I am just happy to have somebody who deems me as pretty and always tell me about it. I am happy to know I have someone who cares. I have you!

Then you told me about her.

I have always known that we have an ending but I am hoping it wouldn’t be this soon. But halfway through our coffee sessions, endless night outs, sunsets by the beach and tireless chats about just everything under the sun, the view of an ending to US was blurred and little by little got erased from the horizon.

My (“guarded”, troubled and newly spontaneous) heart took a plunge to an infinite abyss.

I began to hope. I began to accept the fact that I have you, but you have a baby…with her. Somehow, I became OK with the idea that you can be a father to a baby, a friend to your ex and still be devoted to me.

With all fairness to you, you came clean to me about your ex and her pregnancy in the first weeks that we began dating. You actually tried to break it with me but I cried and said no. Well, after that fateful night, we continued dating and instead of a relationship falling apart, ours showed the signs of getting deeper, again to my eyes.

I never knew if it is my naiveté that I seem to always get the wrong the idea or maybe it’s just you being an expert of relationships and breaking up. After all, how many ex-girlfriends have you got?

Don’t get me wrong, I have always known that about you and I know the gamble I took when we became together. You just caught me off guard when one day you seem to be pulling yourself away from me. You don’t call anymore. You are ditching my calls and text messages are often ignored if not answered hours later.

What really sucks is we are miles apart. I cannot do anything but hope and pray that the thing I am most afraid of will be my worst nightmare. As it turned out one day, it is not just a nightmare but my worst reality.

It was devastating. I have been through everything but this break up still killed a part of me. It took something I know I can never get back.

Now, I have no other choice but accept the truth. I gambled and perhaps, I was given a bad hand. Now it’s time for me to fold.

Bruno Mars in Manila!!

 2014 Moonshine Jungle Tour in SM MOA Arena

Lesson learned –> When watching concerts, bring a good camera to capture awesome performances. Too bad, I have to learn it this way.

 

Inihaw na liempo, chicharong baboy and of course, sisig! No one can stop me from eating those delicacies. Add adobong baboy and presto! I am the happiest girl eating.

However, eating pork is not the same as using pork to embezzle money from the Filipino people. I am a tax payer. And even if I am not, I am indirectly paying tax by buying everything I need with the 12% EVAT. Hence, I am strongly connected on the hottest issue of the country–> The Napoleses and The Pork.

Giving them the benefit of doubt, let me assume that they are innocent until proven othewise. After all, it is the rule of law. However, how can someone be trialed and judged when they are already in hiding??

I read a story about the Napoleses filing libel cases for the journalists who first exposed the controversies crying that the said mediamen have crossed their privacy line. But let me tell you this, PRIVACY ENDS WHERE PUBLIC INTEREST BEGINS. And in this case, being accused of having lavish lifestyle funded by billions of taxpayers money is one hell of a public interest.  They need to address the public.

Don’t you think that instead of intimidating the media, it would be far better to answer all the allegations, face the court and face the Filipinos, and explain their side? I have heard them crying unfair to the media, but here’s a thing. From my experience, the cry of unfair is the desperate cry of the guilty people who are already busted.

The Napoleses are innocent, so they said. I find it hard to believe. However, if Janet Napoles comes out from hiding and have given the Filipino a complete account of where their money came from (aside from the coal mine from Indonesia that they always refuse to name even if its a public company hence can’t be verified) and explain where did the money from the Pork given to their bogus NGOs went, I might believe them.

But until then, seeing that lavish lifestyle of her 23 year old daughter and wondering if the tax I paid dutifully every month was used to buy those cocktail drinks for her grandiose party, I will be hating the “pork”.

Dream vs. Reality

I don’t know know what the future holds for me; but I certainly know what I would want to be.
Sadly, what I am now is not exactly the way I imagined. It is not what I planned. And now that I ponder about it, it doesn’t help me chase after my dreams. It is keeping me from it.
Reality check: I am a 20 year old, newly licensed female geologist who works in a lab for so many hours and earns far less than my colleagues in the industry. But that doesn’t bother me. The meager salary is one thing I can compromise but not my dreams.
I am a geologist. I took up Geology not because it is a non quota course in which it is easy to get into it and brag about being a UP student. I took up Geology not because the subjects are easy. I took up Geology because I love it. I love the outdoors. I love going out of my way experiencing hostility of other people who oppose mining. I love the way I feel secured in God whenever I feel threatened by them. I love gazing through windows of a moving van where I can see how the mountains crawl over the valleys. I love staring at outcrops, feeling the warm sunshine burn my skin, and trying to create a story from what I see. I am a geologist, and I love to be one.
However, the more I ponder about what I love, the more I realized that I am moving away from it. What I am now is a typical researcher, not a geologist. My research is geology-related, yes but that is just it. There are no fieldworks, no adventures. I find amusement under the microscope where I meet my newfound friends, the nannofossils. However, just like what my seniors say, being a geologist means living a life outdoors, a life of fun and adventure. Presently, I work indoors, preparing sediment samples, analyzing under a microscope and contacting several equipment suppliers.
Then how did I end up like this? I want to work in the energy sector, looking for oil and natural gas however they need experienced geologists. I also want to work in an environmental consulting agency, but there are no openings. I never want to mine. That’s why I end up working in the academe. I chose to be in this job so I believe that I somehow love it. However, that love is not enough to give up on my dreams and take away my hunger for the outdoors.
I never want to mine, or so I thought. The truth is I didn’t want it because a friend of mine is an activist who is ready to shed blood when a place is being mined and I didn’t want it because my parents think they are dangerous and not working in mines saves them the worries.
Now, I regret playing the good friend and daughter. I want to experience the life inside the mines. I am dying to be in it. It is not that I am setting aside the feelings of my friend or that of my parents, I just want to have the first hand experience of a miner’s life before passing a judgment. I refuse to say that mines destroy our environment and leave it that way. I decline the idea of a dangerous mine until I see it for myself. I have spent my whole geologist’s life judging the mining industry and now, I am ready to give them a chance. I desire to be on the other side of the fence. I long to see the other face of the coin.
Yet, I still want to work for the energy sector. That’s my first love and I refuse to give it up. Someday, when I gathered all the experiences needed, I will work in it. I also want to work for an environment consulting firm. I believe that the best way to be a geologist is to be someone looking out for Mother Earth. I am ready to offer myself to that.
As of now, I am just another lab rat, trying to live on a meager salary that never came for four months and counting. I work for the academe, helping on the research and development project of the government. And even though I often find myself ranting about how this job is becoming boring and that I never had salary for four months and counting, I still love it.
However, I know that I cannot last long. Soon, I will find myself applying for other job, attending job interviews and hoping to get it. But till that day happens, I am giving my all everyday. After all, this is my first job.
Now, I have to start my journey back to my dreams. Bon voyage to me:D
And when I got there, I will be one of the most sought after geologist, with a doctorate degree and working for the industry.

It’s been a while since I took the Geology board exam and passed it (thank God!). Now, I have a couple of friends who are taking their respective board exams and the mean girl in me says something really bad…”Don’t wish them luck, they didn’t care when you were taking yours. They don’t even give a damn that you passed it. Why the hell care?”

However, the good girl in me says these, ” So what if they didn’t care? What’s important is that you remember. Have you forgotten how you feel when you saw those good luck and god bless messages to you? They encouraged you, right?”

And after a few seconds of listening from my two sides, I decided to do what the good girl in me told me to do so. I did wish them luck and god bless…

And why did I do that?

Aside from the fact that it is the right thing to do, I would like to share to them the feeling of being encouraged by simple wishes of luck and God’s provision. I am at their place a month before. I was worried, sad, and everything that is negative until I read those emails, wall posts, text messages etc. from people who care. When I was worried, my vision to God is cloudy. I easily forget how great He is. But those people who remember made those dark days bright. They took away the clouds.

There are lots of them. Naming them one by one will take me so much time. They know who they are and I really appreciate them… so much. They are God’s blessings to me.

Yet, though I decided not to name them one by one, I have to extend my gratitude to one particular friend of mine.

We haven’t seen each other in a very long while, and certainly I am not a very good friend to him. I don’t deserve his kindness but he said this when I am so down.

” …kaya mo yan! wag kang kakabahan ha. pinaghandaan mo yan nang mabuti kaya wala ka dapat ikatakot. At anjan naman si God  para gabayan ka. Malakas back-up mo…good luck and God bless 🙂 ”

That made me smile and grateful. He is right. Malakas nga yung back up ko. That moment, I feel like I can move mountains. I can pass the board exam even before I take it.

That’s how powerful those words of encouragement are. And that is the reason why I wished my friends god bless. They might not care, yet it’s fine. What matters is that those words will serve their purpose when they needed them the most.